I got the idea of making and posting my goals from a fellow weigh-loss, body-posi woman that I’ve been following on my personal insta account. I haven’t told her how inspiring she is to me yet because I haven’t made any progress of my own but she’s the reason I started sharing my own journey instagram. She’s been so motivating and has overcame so many hurdles already. It moves me to see her progress. I hope I’ll be able to tell her that one day.

This month, I’m taking a step back and starting at the roots of who I am and I what I need. Although I would love to find a “get skinny quick” route and drop the weight in a flash, I know that I will never be successful if I don’t make changes. I can’t drink a shake everyday for the rest of my life. I can’t buy Jenny Craig meals everyday forever. I can’t count calories until the day I die. I guess technically, I can but I don’t want to. I want to make real lifestyle changes and if that means starting at the very bottom with the basics, that’s what I’ll try.

I think that is why I’ve been struggling starting something this time around (the last 3 months) because I know that I’m not healthy on any level. I go to bed past midnight most nights, rarely eat breakfast. My personal hygiene is embarassingly falling to the side because I hate being stuck with myself in a bathroom where the giant mirror is unavoidable. I haven’t been following my passions of writing or photography. I’m losing myself. Since I started this, I’ve been fat shaming myself so badly, it’s unbearable. I’ve never been a self-love person. I’ve love my life, my mind, my humor.. and I love the people in my life but I’ve never loved or been comfortable with myself.. with my shell.

So that’s where I’m starting. I’m starting with goals that are attainable and goals that will make me a better person.. The person I am on the inside. I’m zen. I smell beautiful. I wake up early enough for breakfast. I’m flexible. I’m a writer.