Pre-Step 1: I’m Honestly Surprised I’m Still Alive

No breakfast, if I have breakfast it is junk breakfast like Casey’s breakfast pizza for example. My days consist of and revolve around food. I can’t think without it. Like a drug, you know. My lunches are either Subway, McDonalds or Petro Serve Hot Stuff, king size candy bar, potato salad, and a Mountain Dew. I snack throughout the day but nothing healthy; candy, chips, chuck-wagons, or whatever is around.

No fruits. No veggies. Pop instead of water. Protein what? I’ve always either given it my all or threw it all out the window. This is the classic case of same story, different day. I’m tired of writing about it and I’m sure whoever is reading is tired of reading it.

The great part about this mental deficiency of mine is that every now and then I get a wild hair up my ass to start anew. Sometimes it’s the same thing as before, sometimes it’s a program I’ve never tried. So here we are again. Starting over. I’m not going to do anything radical but my presentation of it will hopefully be fool proof (like I’ve never said that before).

Here it goes.. I’m going to have steps, I’ll share each step AFTER I’ve successfully completed it. If I ever “fall off” the wagon, I’ll start over at step 1 or backtrack to a week that I know I can succeed in. Each step is going to be a week long of “changes.” This could mean adding something, getting rid of something, evolving, whatever.. Moving towards a better, healthier life. It’s always better to move up then not at all, right?

I’ll repeat, if I ever “fall off” the wagon, I’ll start over at step 1. Or if I don’t feel that I have a handle on whatever step I’m on, I’ll stay on that step until I feel comfortable moving on to the next step. I’m in the midst of week 1 so I’ll be sharing what step 1 consists of on Sunday as the first week will have been completed. I’ll let you know at that time if I’ll need to continue on step 1 for another week or if I feel comfortable moving to step 2.

Want to know the best part? I don’t even know what the steps are until I get to them. I’m making it up along the way because this “plan” is for me and I’m catering it to what I know I can or can’t handle mentally and physically. Nothing, ever.. has stuck with me long term. It’s either too expensive, too invasive, too green, too something. I plan on taking bits and pieces of programs and things I’ve tried over the years and applying it to what will hopefully work for me.

Attempt number 263 is worth it because being alive is worth it.

Mortified Moment of the Week

This picture. Period. Last week, a few of us at work volunteered for the United Way stuff-a-backpack thing that they do every year. I had a good time and it was nice helping out and extending a hand in the community. It was hot and the A/C was not working but I digress.

They had a backdrop (as you can see) and some props. Of course we had to take a photo, duh. I apparently wasn’t thinking or I honestly wouldn’t have been a part of the picture. This photo was shared out on Monday on our company “Culture” page. It was shared out to the entire company. All 1,000+ employees. Ehhh 😦 It was also posted on the companies Facebook page which has who knows how many likes.

This picture is out there and I can’t remove it so I figured I’d share it with you.

I hate this photo. I hate that this is how the world sees me physically. I’ll elaborate about this topic in a future post but I feel like I’m blind as to how I look. And I’m not expecting any nor do I want any pity. I don’t want any “but you’re a beautiful person on the inside” bullshit because that’s not going to make me feel any better. This isn’t a rant in vain either. It’s a rant out of disgust. When I saw this photo pop up in my inbox at work because it was shared out (just like many other photos of company events), I was horrified. I may have even literally gasped.

But, this is what has been getting me through the week. This is what helped me say “no” to offers of food. This is what helped me say “yes” to a fitness challenge my mom and I agreed on this month. This is what is helping me stay motivated.

I hope to share and update with some more photos over the weekend. I’m calling them my “before” photos because I better have after photos and I better look damn good.

Has there been anything past or present that has hit you in the face with an “oh, shit I better get my act together” moment? I’d love to hear about it so I know that I’m not the only one.

**NOTE** The original photo has 4 people in it. I cropped this photo to be of just myself for this blog.