February 2018

Second month goals, I’m comin’ for ya! I decided to add a few things to my calendar each month. One is an update on the month that just ended and another to determine my goals for the current month. Both of which I plan to post within the first 5 days of the new month.

If you read my last post, you’ll know that I had a mixed bag of ups and downs in regards to the success of my goals. The goals mentioned last month are still goals and I’ll continue to keep them on my radar and improve on them. I may re-list goals from time to time if I lose sight of them so don’t be surprised if you see something pop up again in the coming months.

For February, I want to make fruits and veggies a priority when planning meals or making food choices. As you’ll recall, last week I decided to “eat when I’m hungry.” This is a foreign thing to me because I’m always hungry. Or so I thought. I was unusually busy this last week and didn’t have as much downtime otherwise known as boredom. Adding to the already scientific proof that a lot of people eat out of boredom rather than actually being hungry. I had plenty of food last week but I didn’t have a traditional eating pattern.

There were pros and cons to that. While I lost 10 pounds in the week, I didn’t get all the nutrients I felt I should have. I want to continue listening to my body in terms of when I’m actually hungry but I want to try to make better choices. One of those choices would be to choose fruits and veggies more often or first over something else. If I’m still hungry for that something else, that’s fine. I can grab that after. Kind of like the “drink a glass of water before you eat, maybe you were just thirsty” thing.

For those who don’t know, I’m a picky eater. Shocking, I know, considering the mass I take up in any given environment. But I’ve been expanding my pallet. Not drastically but maybe age changes your tastebuds for the better? Lets hope. Either way, not only do I want to include more F&V into my day-to-day life, I want to broaden my options as well. I’ve never eaten brussel sprouts or grapefruit or avocado. I don’t even know what leeks are and I think pomegranates are pretty. Am I missing out? I’ve only tried asparagus once and wasn’t a fan but it’s not off the table. Wish me luck!

The second goal of the month is to schedule time for reflection and/or meditation a couple times a week. This has always been a to-do in my life and I’ve committed to it off and on but only for 2-day stints at a time. I’m taking advantage of my calendar this month and scheduling time. I’ve always thought of meditation as something you do right when you wake up in the morning to prepare yourself for an aware and peaceful day but it never happens because I wake up as late as possible. This is now scheduled a few times a week in the evenings. I have a few methods in my back pocket.. There are many different apps to choose from and I have a singing bowl I’d like to try out.

Lastly, I want to make fitness and/or movement of some kind a more consistent part of the week-to-week routine. I’d like to commit to 3 times per week (MWF) but I haven’t decided on that yet because my days are all over the place in terms of busy vs bored. My mom did have a suggestion though.. she has been talking herself into doing something right when she gets home. Before she sits down to eat dinner or watch TV, she does something. Dishes, laundry, exercise.. Because when she sits down, it’s usually for the evening. Same with me. So that’ll be part of the goal for sure. I have an entire apartment to pack up so perhaps it’ll be to pack 1 or 2 boxes right when I come home.

I also sort of have a standing desk at work. (Yes, I said that with an eyeroll because I should be grateful.) Everyone in the office got one recently but I didn’t because I already sit at a crank desk. It’s a nuisance to crank all the way up and is an inconvenience to the things on my desk but I want to make a point of doing it. Everyone else has this easy grip thing and they can be standing in 5 seconds flat. Just because mine takes more effort doesn’t mean it needs to be an excuse. My goal is to stand at least once per day for 15 minutes. Although it’s only standing, it’s 100% better than sitting.

With those two additions in terms of movement alone, that goal will be successful but I do intend on adding actual activity too. I’ll keep you posted on the what, when and how that goes.

What goals have you set for the month of February or for the New Year? I’d love to hear what they are and how they’re going! Thank you for reading, we’ll talk soon!

Today’s Guessing Game Adventure

First, I’d like to start off by thanking everyone that commented and messaged me in regards to my last post. Although it’s a shitty thing that people can relate to, it does bring a great deal of hope knowing that others have overcome the rolling hills of obesity.

If you’ve been following along, you know that last week (which was only week 2) was extremely difficult for me. I didn’t exercise, I ate out too much, gained weight and threw a pity party. Imagine what I could do if I tried, huh?

This week though, I’m starting off on the left foot (because I’m left handed).. I went grocery shopping yesterday and told my brain AND my body to work in my favor this week. My fiancé, Channing, even gave me a piece of advice after listening to me whine about my troubles the last 7 days. He told me that I need to take my time. And that my body probably doesn’t like being deprived of everything it loves so suddenly. That I shouldn’t start off with a goal of 1700 calories when my body is used to 2500+ a day. He told me that I should allow myself a “treat” as a reward at the end of the day because I’m used to eating 2 or 3 candy bars.. “Stopping cold turkey might work for some people but it doesn’t work for you..”

Duh. All of that is everything I try to tell myself and never follow through on. Channing telling me this, for some reason, opened an insightful door that I didn’t know was closed. Are you wondering where his great and wise never-been-fat advice came from? Quitting tobacco. He’s tried time and time again to just quit but it never works. So over the last couple of weeks, he’s been “allowing” himself just a little bit less then usual. It’s wild how two addictions so different from one another can use the same tactics for success.

Anyway, that has nothing to do with the purpose of today’s post. HA!

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Today’s guessing game adventure.. I packed my lunch today among other good-for-me foods to eat throughout the day. BUT a gal at work offered to buy everyone lunch. And I am not going to say no to free food. I’m not crazy. They decided to order from Drunken Noodle/Wasabi. There is literally only 1 thing on the menu that I will eat and it’s Mac N’ Cheese. Hilarious, you say? I know. I was like, shoot. Do I say “no thank you?” This is free food. I could use what I brought for lunch for another day thus spreading my purchase of food out an extra day. #SaveMoMoney  Do I have the will-power to only eat half?

I decided to order the mac n’ cheese with the intention of only eating half. Drunken Noodle is a local restaurant so they don’t have a handy dandy nutritional factoid sheet available. I’ve had to make kind-of guesstimates before but this was going to be a tough one. I thought I’d FB message the restaurant which is a pretty big deal to me. Old me otherwise known as last week me would have been like “screw it, you can start again tomorrow.” Not this time. Fooled you, self! You can see in the featured image of this post what Drunken Noodle had to say about the calorie count on their pasta. No help there, damn them!

The mac n’ cheese is semi-comparable to Noodles & Company so I decided to use them as a reference point. I elected to plug into MFP a “small bowl” of Noodles & Company Mac N’ Cheese. In the details highlighted it noted that 1.5 cups = small bowl. Drunken Noodles Mac N’ Cheese is roughly 2 full cups of pasta and since I was only eating half of that, I feel semi-okay about MFP substitution. Based off of Drunken Noodles FB message back to me, I have no idea if I’m way off or if I’m kind-of there but what does count in this rambling story is that I did only eat half of the entree. I divided it up right when it got here and put the other half in the fridge to bring home to Channing for his pre-supper meal. Or 2nd lunch. Or 1st lunch because who am I kidding, he doesn’t ever have time for lunch.

That is all.

Here’s An Update, Kinda

Wow, hey! I haven’t gone into much detail about what I’m “doing” these days health-wise. So I suppose I should fill you in a little. I was going to Jenny Craig for accountability. I wasn’t really getting much of their food and ended up determining that it was too stressful to go there weekly and get the scripted statements they give me week after week. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

So, after gaining whatever it was that I had re-lost over a 3 week period, I gained it all back. #frustrating #selfsabotage

BUT, in the meantime I’ve been working on something new. I’ve done a little “soul” searching I guess you could say over the last month or so. Think along the lines of: What am I doing? Where am I going? Why am I not happy? What do I want to be doing that I physically can’t? You get the picture.

After a long Labor Day weekend of passing by many amusement park rides and wanting so badly to ride every single one like a little kid; I couldn’t because I knew I exceeded the weight restrictions. Talk about a whiff of realization. Take that, added to the semi-successful but very emotional shopping experience I had; it really hit me that I need to get my act together. (For the millionth time)

That’s probably why I fall out of motivation, because I don’t go anywhere. I stay hidden because I don’t like the glaring realization that I’m morbidly and unhealthily obese. Literally. If I don’t go anywhere, slowly but surely I will forget and fall into old habbits. Hmm.

Those examples above are just a few reasons that gave me a boost of motivation. I recently paired up with my aunt, Krissy and a friend of hers. We decided to begin weighing in on a weekly basis in a non-judgmental, do-whatever-health-kick-you-feel-like zone. If you want to do Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, MyFitnessPal, Slim Fast, whatever. Go for it.

At this point, we’re in the very early stages of what this is or could possibly be.  I don’t want to go into much detail at this point. Right now, we’ve just started with our group of 3 here in the Fargo metro area with the weekly weigh-ins. I’ve included my mom on the topics of discussion and attempting to provide encouragement and Krissy has been doing the same with her sister and my aunt, Karen.

How was week one? Great! At weight in, I lost 4 pounds. #yessir  I’m proud of myself but I’m realistic going forward. Usually, for me, the first week is always the week that I see a big drop. A drastic change in what I’m doing from the week prior is obviously going to reflect on the scale either way.

Over the last week, I went on 4 walks at a minimum of 30 minutes. I lifted 2 pound weights while watching the morning news and I’ve been drinking lots and lots of water. I also dug out my fitbit that I bought some time ago and strapped that pink beaut onto my wrist.

I’ll be sure to fill you in on this new path of the long journey I’ve begun again. Once I’ve really put in some good honest hard work in and actually proven to myself that I can stick with this for more than a month; I’ll elaborate on everything that we’ve put together.  In the meantime, don’t give up because you are SO worth it.

Weigh in day..

Phew, weigh in day is here. I was nervous because I knew I hadn’t been doing very well nutrition wise this week and knowing how the week prior went, optimism wasn’t on my side. I’ve skipped a few meals due to a busy work schedule and lack of planning. I’ve also had a few days of overeating but I did my best to maintain my water intake and do a little more natural activity than usual.

This included that hangover the next morning night but it was full of dancing and moving. I also volunteered for United Way this week which involved three hours of up, down, bending movements in an un-air-conditioned Fargodome conference room. Hello sweaty-all-over!

And guess what? Even though I’m a self-critic and seem to always find something wrong with what I do, I lost 2.6 pounds anyway! I actually high-5’d myself when I got to my car. Go me!

“Progress is impossible without change and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.”

My mom sent me that quote today and it got me thinking. To myself and maybe even you, it might not seem like I’m making much progress but I am. Small changes over a period of time will prove that I’m making progress. Going to weigh in’s when I don’t feel like I had a good week proves progress. Volunteering for something that involved activity proves progress.

Before I started this with my mom last summer, I would have never volunteered at something like I did this week. I would have said “no way” to stepping on a scale in front of a stranger. I would have sat in my car every single lunch break until the end of time in denial while eating my number 2 cheeseburger meal at McDonalds.

I know that I’m only making small changes but I’m making changes. Changes for the better, changes in my thinking towards foods and activity, changes in my attitude. Progress is possible because I’m willing to change my mind on how I want my life to be lived.

Do you do weekly weigh-ins? I’d like to hear about your progress too!

Fat people have abdominal muscles too!

After a Saturday night of (heavy) drinking and lots of dancing, I woke up Sunday morning with a headache and a sore body. I’m 25, I should have sprung up like a sunflower as the sun rose. But I didn’t.  I really am not a partier, drinker, whatever you want to call it but I do make an exception once in a while. Then there are those that still drop it like it’s hot well into their 50’s. Whatevs.

The plus side, I guess, is that I got some hardcore physical activity in Saturday night. I don’t even know if I’ve ever had my “ab” muscles hurt like this. It’s like a good hurt though. You know what I mean? Naw I’m sayin’? The good hurt after some exercise.

Yes, I know that I don’t look like I even know what exercise is but I have had my bouts of ‘cisercising in my life. Trust me.

Anyway, half way through Monday and the muscles hidden in the deepest depths of my fat are still alive and not afraid to back down. Uh!

Introducing: Motivation!

I’ve decided to link my “Motivation to get HEALTHY!” Pinterest page to my blogs Motivation page. It only makes sense right? This way, it’ll be super easy for me to upload and re-pin motivating type inspirations to get healthy for both my readers and myself. I’ll also upload any motivating infographics that I use in this blog to my Pinterest page so it’s a catch all for all things uplifting and positive on this journey.

You can either click here or click on the Motivation tab of this blog to be redirected to my Pinterest page. Make sure to like this Pinterest board as well!

Remember, if you have any motivating tips, tricks, or exercise routines don’t be afraid to send them my way. I’ll upload it to the Pinterest page!

I hope you’re reading Krissy! Motivations are up and rarin’ to go!

2 Week Update

It hasn’t quite yet been two weeks but too bad. I wanted to take a minute to reflect on the first week and a half or so and how well or not well it’s been going.

1. Week 1 went awesome. I started this blog and encouraged ones I’m close with to follow me on this journey. I’m still working out the kinks and the blog isn’t fully functional yet but I’m busy you know!
2. I’m committed to entering everything into MyFitnessPal. (No matter how junkfoody) Which you’ll notice hasn’t been full of the best of the best but it’s all in there.
3. I lost 2.1 pounds my first week! (But I’ll probably be gaining this week.)
4. Going into week two hasn’t been so easy. I’m not giving up. I’m still entering all my information and making a point to send updates through my blog but I’m just not feeling it this week.

I admit, the Street Fair food definitely put a dent into my routine. And I haven’t been able to get into the swing of things since then. This weekend, we’ll be heading out of town for a wedding and a night full of drinks I’m sure.

I’m not going to quit though and I’m not going to fill you with excuses. This is part of the journey, I figure. I’ll learn eventually. I know that I need to cut back and not overindulge but it’s a tough balance when I want to go out and about to do things or be with people. One day at a time.

Also, this will probably be my last post until after the weekend. Talk to you Sunday!

Starvin’ Marvin

I’ve been having a tough time staying on track since late last week. Friday started with street fair food and Saturday involved some more. I did get some physical activity in for the first time since kick-starting my journey again so it wasn’t a total loss.

I’ll probably mention it time and time again but I’m a creature of habit. So in desperate need of a lazy Sunday and than having Monday off to catch up on some errands; I haven’t done the greatest at much food-wise. I haven’t been not trying to eat healthy but I haven’t been trying either. I don’t want to give myself too much slack but at the same time I don’t want to get into the habit of beating myself up over a “bad food day.” Giving myself too many cheat days too often will never get me to my goal of living a healthier lifestyle.

Today, for example. I brought all my food into work, started out well drinking my water; ect. But I’m hungry. Probably some kind of withdrawal from street fair food and pizza over the weekend. I just want to eat candy and carbs. I’ve tried drinking more water to mask “fullness” but it hasn’t been working.

I’ll get this down. I know I will. I just need to light the fire within me instead of expecting it to catch a spark all on it’s own.

How do you get through junk days?

Mid-Day Slump

Half way through day two is making me as groggy as ever. While day three has a lot of positives like fruits, veggies, and protein – the caffeine withdrawal is definitely kicking my ass.

Thankfully it’s not as bad as it has been the past 30 times I’ve tried to cut back on the sugar high. Over a number of times in my life including the last 6 months or so I was used to having whatever size pop came with my drive-thru meal. I’d also usually have a can of pop sometime in the evening because my boyfriend makes his daily snus trip to the nearby convenience store. I probably shouldn’t leave out that I’ve saved about $10 in the last few days because I haven’t bought my usual 1-3 candy bars each day.

The positives outweigh the negatives right? I’ll keep telling myself that until I really believe it. (I know it’s true, I’m just cranky.)

Although pop and candy free day number two hasn’t given me a headache, it has made me want to go home. I’m ready for bed. I’m tired and I don’t feel like dealing with people.

Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if I pee my pants this week. I’m making a great effort to get half my weight in ounces of water in and in case you’re wondering, that’s a lot. I’ve made more trips to the bathroom than I have gotten emails today.

How do you push through a mid-afternoon slump?

MyFitnessPal

I’ve always been a fan of MyFitnessPal. I’ve actually always been a fan of writing everything down line by line so when MFP became a thing; it was totally up my alley. I admit that I’ve only used it in my health nut spurts. In the past if I had a “free” day, I’d either skip entering into MFP completely or enter in a made-up day just to make it look like I was on a streak of entering. Yes, another mind game I fool myself into believing. Forgive me.

Fear not, I’m changing my ways! I want this journey to be invasive. Ultimately, I want to not only help myself but to help someone else and that’s why I want this process or story or whatever to be open with no loop holes or hidden agendas.

With that, I’ve decided on two things:

1. MyFitnessPal diary entries are now public. (Scary!) This means that you can see what I eat and around when I eat. You’ll be able to see the portion sizes, the nutrition facts, and the brands and kinds of things I buy. There may be an occasion where I will have to guess (like yesterday’s lunch was a pre-packaged salad from a local caterer) but I’ll do my best.
2. I’m going to log my entries every day, baby! Even on my cheat days and busy days. I am making it a priority to log in what I’m eating. And you better believe that I’ll have cheat days. I’m human. I wonder if making it a priority to log EVERYTHING, that I’ll be more conscious of my choices knowing that I’m letting other people see instead of sneaking things in.

I should warn you though, that I’m a creature of habit. I’m unapologetically a picky eater so you won’t see any crazy wacked out recipes or food concoctions. I’m kind of boring and I like routine. I’ll probably rotate between two or three breakfasts. My snacks will almost always be the same every day. My lunches will usually be a salad and a TV dinner of some sort. The only variety you may see will be in my dinners.

I’m a simpleton when it comes to my menu. I don’t want to have to think about it. The more work I have to put into planning a meal, the less likely I’ll even do it. I do love cooking and baking though so hopefully I won’t be too bland.

If you’re interested in seeing what I am putting into my mouth, click here. If it doesn’t give you a breakdown like I think it should, let me know. I believe you have to have a MyFitnessPal account in order to view it.

Do you use any food or nutrition tracking apps? What do you use and why?

Ready For Week 1?

Me either. I will be weighing in weekly on Thursdays. That’ll be the day that I don’t want to but feel that I must share with you my weight. I’d like to tell you that I’m full of excitement and energy going into this first week of my blog and weigh in but I’m not.

Yesterday I went to Sonic for breakfast/lunch and had a few drinks with friends last night. Today I stuffed my face with everything Zorbaz but you know, balanced it out with a few hours of swimming. Basic math right? I had planned on going grocery shopping today to kickstart my week on a positive note but I didn’t get around to it. Too busy swimming remember. That’s okay. I’m not perfect. This isn’t going to be a perfect journey.

I plan to have oatmeal and a slice of peanut butter toast for breakfast tomorrow for “day 1.” I’ll have a shake around 10:00 and then I have nothing planned beyond that point. If I can push through the McDonalds craving I’m sure I’ll have, I hope to go down to the mez at work and grab a salad. I’ll be going to the store tomorrow right after work so I’ll probably be updating you with my progress on day 1 tomorrow.

Remember DRINK YOUR WATER! Let’s do this!

By the way, I went swimming today in public and didn’t bother caring what other people thought. Take that fat-shamers.

What To Expect.

I haven’t quite ironed that out yet. If you’re still with me, congratulations. I’m a rambler of words. Being the perfectionist that I am, I didn’t want to share this out with my family and friends until the site was “ready” by my standards. Guess what? With perfectionism comes procrastination.

SO…no the site isn’t 100% ready to rumble yet but it’s a start. If I didn’t share out what I’ve put together so far, it’d probably be another two weeks before I introduced this to you and two weeks before I began a healthier and happier lifestyle.

By the end of this month, I plan to have my Motivation and Progress pages updated which is the last step in the set up process. The progress page is going to be the most difficult. You may notice that I’ve only shared a few “selfies” to this point. And if you follow me on any social media site, it’s the same. If you’ve ever tagged me in a photo, you’ll soon see that I usually untag myself within seconds. There’s a reason I’m always the one taking the photos. The progress page is going to be what the world already sees, not what my creatively angled phone will show you. I’m not emotionally or mentally ready to share with my family, let alone the potential world, what my weight is, but I’m going to. I’m not ready to consciously allow my most embarrassing photos be published on this blog, but I have to.

I going to do it for myself. Not to prove anything to my readers, not to try and one-up the last weight-loss blogger but I need to look at myself in the mirror of the world. In the mirror at home I suck in and brainwash myself to only see my face tilted slightly down as to not see the double or triple chin of the day. I need to look at and share what I actually look like because avoiding it obviously hasn’t gotten me anywhere.

Starting Over. Again.

In June of 2014, my mom and I signed up for Jenny Craig. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. Following the program off and on and often to the beat of my own drum, I lost 41 pounds between …. [checking myfitnesspal] … June 4^th and October 18^th. Roughly 4 ½ months. Although it wasn’t even a fraction of what I needed to lose, it’s totally worth a “fuck yes.”

For personal and career reasons, I moved to Bemidji mid-October and guess what? They didn’t have a JC. Without feeding you full of excuses that you don’t want to hear, I gained most of that weight back. I recently moved “back” to my adopted homeland of North Dakota and just this week re-joined Jenny Craig.

This time I’m going to do this different. To go along with being honest with myself and with the encouragement of my mom, I was also honest with the Jenny Craig consultant. What helped me lose the 41 pounds mid-last year wasn’t the program or the food; it was the accountability. My main reason for going to JC week after week is for the weigh-ins and pep talks; not the food.

I’ll still purchase a few of my favorite Jenny foods because well, I like some of them, but I’m not going to ever claim that Jenny Craig’s food program helped me lose weight. I’m a picky eater [go figure] so I don’t really find most of their menu very “delicious” anyways. However, I have learned from both Jenny and life that there are a few key things to be successful and stay successful when it comes to getting healthy:

• Drink water and lots of it. The best advice I’ve gotten so far is to drink half your body weight in ounces of water EACH DAY. So if you weigh 300 pounds, you’ll be drinking 150 ounces of water today. Better start early.
• You’ll hear me say this 70 times over but accountability is key. Regularly weighing in and reporting to someone is the single most thing that kept me trying last year.
• Eat breakfast and fruits and veggies. Drink all that water! Consciously add in protein-rich and fiber-full foods.
• Be as active as your body and motivation level will allow.

Losing 41 pounds last summer was in no way “easy.” Look at me, I gained it back because slowly but surely, I let all of those tips slide with time. I dived back into Mountain Dew and Snicker bar induced comas with the snap of a finger.  I can binge eat at almost any fast food restaurant you mention. It’s a disease. But I’m worth it and I can’t stop fighting.

I’m Morbidly Obese.

I hate that phrase. To me, it’s just as derogatory as n**** or cunt. Morbidly obese is the asshole way of saying “you’re disgusting and probably going to die soon.” Thanks for the death sentence Webster’s.

With my first few posts here, I just want to introduce you to who I am and as you can see; my humor (if you want to call it that) is probably a little dryer than usual. Throughout the duration of this blog, you’ll learn about “my weight loss story” so I’m not going to dive into all of those topics right now.  Feel free to navigate throughout the blog and tabs for more information about myself, my progress, motivation, and much more.

To sum myself up in a few short sentences: My name is Orianah but everyone calls me Ori. I’m a 25 year old dreamer that wants to travel the world, get married, buy a house, and have children – in that order. My mom is my biggest fan and my best friend. I love to write (blog), take photographs, and create art in multiple mediums. I’m fat, overweight, obese, whatever you want to call it. I hate the words bigger, plump, and husky because they’re insulting and you’re not “being nice” by saying it. This is my story and I hope you read every post.